fragle

I went to the pub last night and there was this fat girl dancing on a table. I walked passed and said "f*****g amazing legs" The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so" I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now"!!

wonders how long after a bout of diarrhea before you can fart with confidence?

Is wondering why dogs run to the door when someone knocks?It's never 4 them!

Why did the banana go to the doctors......cos he didn't PEEL WELL......

I have mood poisoning, must have been some of that bullshit I swallowed

I'm not fat, I'm environmentally friendly. The fatter I am, the less water I need to fill the bath

Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Husband says "put new batteries in your f****n hearing aid!"

just found my girlfriends secret vibrator stashed away in her wardrobe i am not saying its big but i am thinking of entering in robot wars

My missus asked me if I could show her a good time? So I showed her some photos of me and my mates before I got married

A government warning said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel ,blankets or sleeping bag,extra clothing including a scarf hat and gloves. 24 hour supply of food and drink de - icer , rock salt torch spare batteries. Safety triangle tow rope , petrol can 1st aid kit - jump leads . . . I looked a right twat on the bus this morning !!

f*****g Arseholes, IM GONNA FIND YA!!! I can't believe this has happened 2 us [bANNED TEXT] on top of christmas! Just got home 2 find all my windows wide open!! They've taken everything Its all gone! The dirty rotten robbing b*****ds what kind of sick minded people would do that 2 another person man? you low life Scum!! .......... That was my advent calendar and you had no [bANNED TEXT] 2 open it and eat all my chocolates!!!!!